Mom-life Crisis!

*Deep breath* 

My baby is nearly 8 months old. 
I've been a Mom for 5 years to my beautiful daughter (who grew in my heart) but this part of motherhood is new to me. I didn't start motherhood like this, with a baby. 

I started my motherhood journey with two amazing little people that could walk and talk and feed themselves. Two amazing little kids that, for the most part, slept through the night. 

This is new, for me.

Let me be honest, this part is HARD for me.
I can't go where I want to when I want to. I can't just haul my baby along everywhere as I'd planned because he's incredibly alert, curious, and doesn't want to relax and sleep in different places (I've tried). Up in the night, on good nights only once, on hard ones baby just sleeps with us so I can sleep between feedings. It's hard. I'm so grateful! Unbelievably grateful but "the struggle is real". 

I recently googled "Baby life crisis" and only found one article on "Mom life crisis" that was relatable at all. I know it's not just me. Others have been here too. So I step out to share even though it's scary.

I'm having a "Baby life crisis". I not only have all the Mommy emotions of having a baby and all the changes that come with it but I have this trapped feeling that's making me crazy... A little crazy... I want to do EVERYTHING I have EVER dreamed and I feel like I have to do it NOW! 

I want to travel. I love adventure. So I've been daydreaming of buying a motorhome. I could take the kids cross country and the baby could just sleep along the way (he doesn't sleep in the car well, either). I want to connect with other moms in deep and meaningful ways but it takes moving heaven and earth just to make it to Mom's group once a week. I want SO much, I dream of so many things, and I feel like if I don't do them NOW I never will... Like life is over in a way.

So how do I live and love in the now? In my Mommy Life Crisis how do I stay faithful and grounded despite my thoughts and emotions flying everywhere?

My goal is bigger than me.
My purpose goes farther than what I want and feel.
This is a season.
This is an IMPORTANT season.
Loving on my babies IS a great adventure.
Being a Mom is a great honor.

I have a goal that's bigger than me. 
I think that's so important. I am, in most regards, a content person. I love my life and am endlessly grateful for my family. However, I can get in a "pit of me" all too easily, where my focus has tunnel vision and I am center stage. It's an awful place to be. I feel like it's a normal place to be, like that's our default, "me", but I have a goal that's bigger than me and remembering that keeps me focused. I want to raise my babies to love in big ways that change the world! I want them to use every gift they've been given and turn around and pour it out on others. I want my kids, my grandkids, and my great grandkids to be shining bright lights in a dark world. I have a dream and it may start small, with me, right here, loving on my babies in the daily, but my dream is BIG! So big I can't even imagine the end of it.

My purpose goes further than what I want and feel.
Is what I want important? Yes, my dreams matter. My desires matter. My feelings matter. I matter... but what I want is not the be all, end all. There's more than what I want. There's a future and a hope that goes way further than me and I am striving, fighting for that. 

This is a season, and an IMPORTANT season.
I know this. I've already lived this to some degree... but sometimes I struggle to trust it. Growth spurts, for example, are miserable! Three days of a fussy, crying baby and it can feel like three months have passed in misery! My perspective goes down the tubes! I can't see straight anymore, the season feels like ALL of the season, years and years of it, but it's not. So I hold on to "It's a season" because that is the truth. This is for a time, and it's an incredibly IMPORTANT time to build that bigger dream (see point one).

Loving on my babies is a great adventure.
That is true! I don't struggle with the reality of this one much. It's not always a glamourous adventure but an adventure it sure is! My husband and our daughters (before baby came) once went on a crazy hike. It was probably our worst hike to date, and we've had a lot of hikes. This trip was brimming with adventure. We got out on the trail and it was hot, sunny... and mosquitoes were everywhere! So the first thing we had to do was fight off the mosquitoes as best we could. Then we found ticks on the kids! Man, that got my Mommy blood boiling! As we pressed on I was on the war path against the ticks to protect my kids. Then came the landslide we had to get past. And then there was poision oak!!! It was the worst hike!... but it was a great adventure. Adventures are hard and have lots of twists and turns and you never know what's going to happen next. Motherhood is like that. It may be rough and tough but it's certainly NOT boring. I like adventures, so that is one thing I like to keep in mind. 

Being "Mom" is a great honor.
We have an incredible title we have! To be called "Mom" by those we hold so dear is such an honor. We get the opportunity to shape the men and women that will go out in this world and change it! We get to change the world by loving our babies. What an incredible honor.
First hike after baby


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