How Do You Deal With Anger?

How do you deal with anger in your children? Or in yourself?

For years, I reacted pretty similar to my kids. If they got angry, so did I. If they yelled, I'd yell louder. If they slammed a door, chances are, I would too.

This morning my lovely nine year old went down hill quickly. It was already a sleepy morning, the dense clouds making everything dim and gloomy. The lack of school schedule (Spring Break) making things more likely to get off to a difficult start. Sure enough, early in the morning the difficulties began. First my daughter did not complete her chore. When she was told that meant another chore she proceeded to stomp and slam and fling everything she was working on in anger. She was sent to take a break to calm down, which resulted in arguing, more stomping, and a dramatically slammed door.

When she came back from her break I assumed we'd get back on track for the day but my daughter was still simmering with anger and everything was pushing her right back into it. I gave a myraid of chances and choices before I finally told her I was getting angry, she needed to go take a break, and I'd talk to her when I was done with my break...

I'm human. When my child is angry because they got in trouble, it's frustrating. Whatever the behavior was in first place probably was frustrating, and then doing the hard work of parenting to correct that behavior in hopes that they grow and learn, only to get anger directed on me. It's hard. It's frustrating. It makes me feel angry. This is all normal.

I still get mad when my child does. I still get frustrated at behaviors I've tried time and time to correct. All of these emotions still go rolling through me. I still feel them! But I've learned, I've grown stronger, and most of the time I can try to look beyond the anger, to my child. To my child who is disappointed, scared, or frustrated themselves. I can usually separate myself from their actions. They are their own people, I am not responsible for their anction. I'm responsible for me. I'm responsible to correct and teach them as best I could, but I can not force them. I cannot choose for them. They are their own person and going through their own things... I guess that could be called grace.

Having grace for my child means knowing that their feelings and struggles are real. That usually, there is more going on in my child then I'm going to realize during their fit of rage or bad attitude. That my child needs me to care even when they're turning that anger towards me... It's tough!!
Grace: The EXERCISE of love.

I am far from perfect and I get mad too. I still yell, I occationally slam doors, I get frustrated and I still, often, have to say sorry. 

Anger? How do you deal with anger being directed at you? 
Try to remember to see your child as a whole. To remember that they're feelings are big and real. To let them be their own person and to be strong in helping them grow and learn to deal with who they are and how they are made.

Your doing a great job! 
I'm not perfect, my kids are not perfect and let's give each other the freedom to be real. To be struggling humans who are growing and learning. Let's be forgiving and ask for forgiveness. Let's be gracious with ourselves and our kids. Let's learn together how to deal with our anger in a way that is not destructive.

You've got this Mama! You are strong, brave, and doing a wonderful job!


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