Coping with Grief and Loss

Grief and loss comes in many forms.
The loss of a loved one.
Separation of a family.
Loss of an unborn child.
The loss of a dream...

In motherhood, loss could look like having a birth experiences different than you hoping. Not getting to breastfeed as long as you wished, or your child struggling with a medical issue. It could be you, yourself struggling with sickness and not being able to do all that you wished as a mom. Or maybe it's simply that motherhood is not all you thought it would be. Regardless, we feel grief when there is a loss of a dream.

For myself, and many mothers I know, when these griefs hit, we can't just stop and take time to process, we have a child or children to care for in the midst of trying to take care of ourselves, let alone our emotional needs! It's hard to find time to process when your little ones need you so frequently. It is hard to find time to process the loss and grieve and come to acceptance and peace.

I wanted to share with you a few practical helps if you are going through a period of loss in your life.

1. Give yourself a TON of grace! Grief is physically exhausting and takes a lot out of our bodies as well as our emotions. It's okay if the bare minimum is the new status quo. It's okay to not feel like going out and doing a lot. It's okay. 

2. Find someone to talk to. I think this is SO IMPORTANT and SO HARD to do! For me, I ended up going to counseling to work through my grief. Having an outside advisor who could help give me perspective through one of my darkest times in life was incredibly helpful.

3. Regularly take time to process. Outside of having a person to talk to, writing down thoughts and feelings often, comparing them to truth, and having an outlet can be incredibly helpful to prevent a build up of emotions.

4. REST. Sounds weird, but back to point one, grief is physically taxing! It is incredibly stressful to your body. Try to take the time to get a nap in, or sit on the couch for awhile. Give yourself permission to rest often in this difficult time.

5. Find ways to smile. In grief everything can feel incredibly sad and dark. This is where finding the time to smile can be great for your emotional well being. Play a game with your children, watch a silly movie, tell jokes, whatever makes you smile, do that!

6. Take the time to be grateful. During my season of deep loss and grief I kept A Gratitude Journal. Every day (nearly) during the time I was actively grieving I wrote down just a few things a day that I was grateful for. Almost every day I wrote down my kids as my thankful thing. It might've been repetitive at points but it helped lift my head from the darkness of grief to see the simple beauties that I still had.

7. Grief is like waves. It comes and goes. At first the waves can be very intense and very frequent but in time, as you process and grieve, they will lessen in frequency and intensity. Give yourself permission to feel sad when you are sad, and enjoy the moments of joy in between the waves of grief.

8. Remember this is for a time. When you take the time to feel the loss, grief, and process, you will come to the point of acceptance in time. It may be a month, it may be a year, it may be years, but the time will come when peace and acceptance comes. 

"Don't forget in the dark what you've heard in the light." 

Whatever your going through Mama, know you are not alone. This is not the end. It will not always be like this, it will not always feel like this. Give yourself tons of grace to grief. Enjoy the little moments with your babies. Remember, you are strong and you will get to the other side of this.

Much Love,



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