Headspace

My 10 year old drew this picture and entered it in the fair.

It is probably one of my favorite art pieces that I have ever seen. 

I in no way influenced it. She came up with it all on her own. 

Doesn’t it speak so much truth about the useless thoughts that we let take up space in our heads? The doubts and questions that are no help to us? The noise that we let drown out the really important things? 

Why do we do it to ourselves? 

I had a bit of a mommy meltdown today. In my last blog I talked about my struggles with breastfeeding my newborn babies. I also said I had a better attitude this time around, and I was focusing on the big picture and not letting myself stress about it…

Then I took my baby in to weigh him today and he has only gained 4 oz this past 8 days. And we are still struggling to get the bilirubin out of his system, his numbers have not gone down yet. So I just started crying. And I couldn’t stop. 

I’m sure some of it has to do with postpartum hormones and interrupted sleep, but I feel like such a fool for letting myself get so discouraged. I let myself get really down. I tried combating the discouragement with logic and faith…

Logical Me: “Your other babies struggled too, and look how healthy and strong they are now. We will just pump and nurse, pump and nurse, until he gets his weight up.”

Crying Me: “But why does it have to be a struggle? Other people have no troubles with it.”

Faithful Me: “God is in control. Its all going to be ok.”

Crying Me: “Yes, but God has been in control these past six years and He has still let me suffer with my hernia pain.”

Logical Me didn’t know how to respond to that. But Faithful Me still believes that everything is going to be ok, and Logical Me knows it will, too. Crying Me has turned down the waterworks. I’m now reclining in my home with my baby sleeping on my chest. We are settled in for an evening of nursing and pumping and resting. We will get this. 

Do you know that “fear not” is in the Bible 365 times? I think God knows that we humans tend to fret about things. Often it’s the same things that we have already learned that we should not be distressing about. We know that worrying does us no good, but we often find ourselves doing it anyway. 

I’m determined to take my little girl’s advice. I’m going to clear my mind, throw all the useless fear in the garbage, and replace it with the peace of God. He’s got this!

And in two days (when this blog is published), I’m going to read this and do it again. Just in case I’ve let some fears creep back in. 

Blessings to you, Mamas! I'm praying peace for you as well!

Lee