Showing posts from September, 2019


Living on Purpose Intentionality in life and motherhood.
Becoming a mother changed everything for me. I always had wanted to make a difference. I always had wanted to make good choices even before I became a mom... but the moment I became a mom everything changed!
I saw everything in life different. Instead of just relating things back to the kind of life I wanted to live, I looked at everything as how it would effect my children, and their lives, and futures. I saw everything in life through a new and wonderful and bigger lens. 
I felt the weight and responsibilities of these little ones God had entrusted to me. I felt the magnitude of what a calling it was to be a mother. I felt insecure and scared and INCREDIBLY excited and honor. It was a whole new world. 
My friendships shifted, my focus shifted, my entire life shifted. It was a wonderful and good, as well as a dynamic change, but it was beautiful. I now had two little people who called me "Mama" and it was the most amazin…

When You Have NOTHING Left to Give...

When Life Falls Apart and You Have Nothing Left to Give An Infertility Story
We'd been married for two years, wishing for more children throughout that entire time. A surgery had to happen first. The surgery came and went with so much joy, so much anticipation, so much gratitude, so much hope...

Month after month the pregnancy tests read NEGATIVE and NOT PREGNANT. Month after month the sadness washed over me. Month after month I began to grow more and more certain that when we finally got the fertility test done (one year after the surgery date), the news wouldn't be good.

A YEAR of trying, a YEAR of hoping and praying... A YEAR of sadness and hope circling over and over in a painful cycle with every passing month.

Then the day came... 

It was Fall of 2016.
I remember my husband went to get the results of his test... The test to explain why we hadn't got pregnant yet. The test to see if there was still hope.

He came home, and asked to talk to me. I remember we sat on my "Ho…

Motherhood is Exciting!

In this blog we like to acknowledge how hard motherhood is and how hard you are working. We like to share that we are right in there with you and understand how it is. But we also like to celebrate the joys of motherhood, and all the positive and amazing parts of it as well. And that’s what I want to talk about today.
Motherhood is exciting!
Think about it. No two days are exactly the same. Sure, the weather may be the same as yesterday, you’re doing the same chores, and you’re sharing your space with the same little people…but those little people are going to do their very best to keep things from getting boring! And without even trying, haha! Motherhood is certainly not boring!

I’ve always been fascinated with childhood development. My cousin had four boys before I was even married (I was 12 when the first was born), and we were really close, so I got a front row seat to seeing what child raising was like. It's just so amazing how each child develops differently, and how they grow …

A Dream Come True

A Childhood DreamCome True
From the ages of 16-18 I worked as a Nanny for two little boys that I grew to love deeply. We went on daily adventure walks all around town, visited the docks and beach, and played at the parks often. It was probably the best "job" I ever had, but I didn't think of it as a job, it was a gift, it was a joy, and it was what I loved to do.

Somewhere during that two years of being a Nanny, I wrote a small bucket list/wish list. I wanted to be married by age 22 (hehe that didn't happen!), I wanted my kids to meet my beloved nanny kids (neither did that), and I wanted to have as much with my own kids as I had as a nanny.

Today the kids and I went on an adventure walk. 
We don't have school on Fridays and I'm trying to be proactive about my seasonal depression and get outside and exercising often. I prioritized getting out of the house and decided to go just on a walk around the neighborhood. 

We first stopped at a little swing set by a tiny ch…


Confession: I love to hear my child choke.
Let me explain. 
Whenever I hear my son choke while nursing, I get a little thrill. I also get excited whenever I hear him fill his diaper or he soaks through an outfit. Why do I find these things so exciting? If you go back and read about my first week struggles, you will understand.

It means I’ve done it! My milk has established and he is growing and thriving on it. My hard work has paid off!
And I’m gonna take a moment to acknowledge this victory. Because for a long time I felt like a failure because breastfeeding was so hard for me. I felt like I was broken, like I was not the mom that I should be, that I was less of a woman. 
But those are all lies. I know not all of you are Christians, but I truly believe that the enemy of our soul tries to tear down mothers because our job is so very important. So don’t let him do it to you!
You are worthy. You are amazing. You are doing an incredibly hard job. And you are rocking it.
You may not feel like yo…

Today was Poop

A Bad Day? Be Proactive
Well, yesterday was poop. Like straight poop!

I felt like poop. I was lethargic, tired, and no amount of coffee helped my energy level increase.

I acted like poop. I yelled at the kids. I was incredibly impatient and irritable. I tried really hard, I had to say sorry a few times, and still... it was a poop day.

I tried to make myself feel normal. I got out of the house with the kids despite wanting to scream, yell, and hide in my room instead. It did help, a little, but as soon as I went back home I was back down in the dumps.

Nothing helped! I felt miserable, depressed, yucky.

My hubby came home, that always makes things a little better and we all sat down on the couch, snacked, and watched So You Think You Can Dance (best show ever!). 

I began to perk up a bit and thought we should get out the house for a walk while we had the chance (it had been raining).

Mmmm :) That was my favorite part of my whole poopy day, walking with my family around the neighborhood. Talkin…

An Infertility Story

A personal story of loss and restoration An Infertility Journey
Most of you don't know that my husband and I had to have fertility treatments to conceive our son, who is an incredible miracle!!
Our baby is 14 months now and I talked to my doctor about getting pregnant again. I have already had baby fever three times since he was born! At 6 months postpartum, I was ready to try again, and if it wasn't impossible for us to get pregnant without help we probably would've gone for it! Then when our baby turned 1 year, I got baby fever again, and was ready to start trying but with breastfeeding and irregular cycles it still didn't seem possible. Now it's two months later and we are getting closer and my excitement and anticipation is increasing. We didn't know if having a baby would ever be a possibility for us and we are so intensely grateful for our son, but the idea of having more, is just an incredible joy and honor.
I was having my Quiet Time with Jesus the other …

Not as Planned

Sometimes things don’t go as planned.
Have you ever noticed that? 
I hope you can hear the sarcasm in my voice when I ask you that question because, of course, things rarely go as planned. Especially when there are little kids involved. And Oregon weather! 
A few weeks ago, I took the kids on the second camping trip since Asher was born. This time I had to drive 4.5 hours to get to the campsite, and I was doing it completely without my husband. My parents were going to meet me at the campground that evening. I left home at 10 am. I got to the campsite at 9 pm.
11 hours. 11 hours full of expected and unexpected circumstances. 11 hours of choosing how to react to those circumstances. I didn’t always make the best choice...

From getting a late start to having to turn back for something forgotten to lots of crying in the car, it was just tough. The baby is just not a great traveler yet! We had to make a lot of stops.
The worst setback, though, was when I got stuck behind a truck going 10 miles …

Seasonal Depression

S.A.D Seasonal Depression
Well, Fall is officially here in Oregon. 

The rain has broke the heat of summer. The trees' leaves are beginning to fall. 

I LOVE Fall...
The rain, the colorful trees, the cozy days, and school.

I HATE Fall...
The days get shorter and darker and I get sadder.

It wasn't till last year that I realized my annual gloom was actually seasonal depression. Every year, I would get sleepy, unmotivated, and sad, yet I never caught on to why.

Then it came again last year, as Fall began, and my husband mentioned "Yeah, this happens to you every year." 

"What?!?" I said in surprise, "It does??"

And that's how I learned I had S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder).

Now, that I know that I can be proactive:

I have a quality Happy Light that my Aunt gave me that I turn on in the mornings which breaths life and sunshine into me. I make sure to get outside even if it's not bright and nice weather. I make effort not to withdrawal and continue to …

Victory in a Smile

I taught my little boy to smile.

I’ve spent a lot of time leaning over him as he is getting his “baby exercise” (laying on his back and kicking and moving his arms) talking to him with a big smile on my face. And since we are all born imitators, he’s smiling more and more often, now.
And it kind of makes it all worth it. 
All the blurry eyed, middle of the night diaper changes. The hours and hours spent nursing. The hours and hours packing him around in the carrier and all the knots and sore muscles that come from that...
Because babies that aren’t well cared for don’t smile. I know that some personalities and temperaments smile less than others, but babies don’t have the energy or inclination to learn to smile at all if they don’t receive the love and attention they need. 
So I know I’m doing something right. I may be way behind in housework right now...and I’m having trouble knowing the right way to address some behavioral issues with some of my older kids...and I don’t feel like I’m hav…

Courage to Grow

Courage to ChangeLove Multiplies
When I was pregnant with my son I was so worried about my daughters, especially my youngest, who'd been "the baby", my baby, for so long. I knew the love would only grow but I was worried about being able to give her the time and attention she needed. I was worried about her separation anxieties and that it would trigger her fears.
Well, it did. Me being pregnant and her realizing she was going to be the middle child (even though she would always mommy's baby) brought up a lot of fears and concerns in her. For the first three months of my pregnancy, as our little son grew from microscopic life to little human kicking and moving within me, I didn't feel so good. I was nauseous and so tired. 
During those first three months was when my daughter's fears and worries came up the most. I remember driving in the van and asking my daughter what her fears were and talking about them, helping her with knowing the truth. I remember her havi…

What A Minimalist Home Doesn't Look Like

Minimalism Family Home Different than Pictured
Hello guys, 
Welcome back to my Minimalism Diary, I haven't written in awhile and honestly not much has happened.
I got my bedroom pretty much done and put together. I completed my second layer of declutter across the entire house and some, if not all, of the outbuildings. We have enough stuff for another yard sale! Kind of crazy since I was view by some as pretty minimal already.
So minimalism doesn't look like I thought it would. Yes, it's SOOOOOOOOO nice!!!!! The amount of clean up time is significantly reduced! The focus on being intentional and choosing what really matters is incredibly rewarding and transformative!
But, my house doesn't have white walls and neat or no artwork on them. My house has stuff that ends up piled on the end tables or counters still. It still looks just like a house... I think it looks like a neater, cleaner house by far, but there is nothing that say "I am a minimalist" or "My hom…

Good is Getting in the Way Of...

The Enemy of Best is... Good.
I've been trying to evaluate and work through the activities to commit to this fall (see that blog HERE). I was praying for wisdom and I kept hearing the same answer "None of them" to the activities I'd pretty much already signed myself up for...
Now, I often pray for wisdom and seek direction, but the funny thing is, I never like the answer! So, I rethought through the activities. I argued with myself and with God of why those groups/activities I was planning on would be good, why I wanted them...
Same answer to my question for wisdom about which activities to commit to "None of them"... Do you ever keep asking God the same question and getting the same answer? I do. Like I think somehow He's made a mistake, even though I'm seeking His wisdom because I know He knows better than me!
I finally surrendered with a reluctant "Okay, I won't go to those group" and surprise, oh surprise (sarcasm), I immediately felt…

Too Busy???

I think I’ve done it again. 
I have mentioned before that I’m a “doer”. I like to be busy. My main love language is “acts of service”, so it makes sense that I’m a person who likes to keep in motion. It was one of the hardest things about my chronic pain these past six years, the inability to keep busy and do the things I love. 
Well, that being said, I also tend to overdue when I am feeling well. I plan too much. Not just beyond what I can physically take (though I’m totally guilty of that) but beyond what we should mentally or emotionally be doing. I have been feeling so much better these past few weeks, and the baby has moved beyond wanting to nurse non-stop, so we have been busy! Mushroom picking, swimming, playdates, appointments, shopping trips, birthday parties…I don’t think we have spent one full day at home in the past two weeks…
And the times we are home are filled with chores, canning, sewing, gardening…not resting! The only time I’m sitting is when the baby is nursing, and ad…

Life is Like a Hike

My family and I got to go camping again this weekend. It was again relaxing and revealing as I continue to seek balance and putting first things first in life. Striving for a life of purpose and making a difference.
On the last day of our camping trip (before we got rained out and went home to do what seems like endless laundry) we went hiking. We'd taken this particular hike before, but only part way. It was an uphill climb about a mile to a World War II bunker which was now covered in graffiti. We looked around and decided to head up further on the trail.
Up and up and up we hiked till we all (minus the baby riding high on daddy's back) were breathing heavy and getting tired. The kids started to complain and I just tried to focus on making large slow and steady strides up the hill. 
It seemed like forever but we finally reached "the top" which was a flat, beautiful stretch where you could see trees on every side and the light of the sky peaking through the forest. It …

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