Be a Warrior, Not a Worrier
Are
you a worrier?
I
never really have been. In fact, the verses in Mathew 6 have always meant a lot
to me, so much that I named my first miscarried baby "Lilly" after them.
But
all this past month and a half, I’ve been really stressing about something, and now matter
how many times I have tried to lay it down, it kept creeping up on me again and
again.
It
was Nutcracker.
My
family has been a part of Nutcracker since 2015. My daughters dance, I help out
behind the scenes and with costuming, and my husband helps by running the
lights. The past few years I have also taken on the role of Nanny, who was
created to help stall in between scenes so dancers can make costume changes.
When I had my baby this summer and it became apparent that he could not handle
the 3-6 trips a week to the dance studio for my girls to practice (it’s an hour
drive 1 way), I told the director that my girls could not be in it and I could
not help with costuming, but I would still play Nanny and my husband would
still do lights for the performance.
This
was a hard decision for me, but I made it. Then I worried and worried about it.
Part
of my anxiety was because I remembered how painful acting in Nutcracker was
last year, and my pain has been raising again recently and I didn’t want it to
get that bad again. But I think the biggest part of it was because I have a
little PTSD from leaving my babies to return to work. This may seem silly to
you because millions of women go back to work after having their babies, but
for me it really was traumatic and heartbreaking (even though I only worked
part time and was leaving my babies with someone who would love and take good
care of them). For me, it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
And the thought of my baby being sad because he was away from me, even if it
was for only 45 minutes at a time (he would have a grandma and big sister with
him while I was onstage and I would have him during intermission) really
stressed me out.
So
I prayed. And asked others to pray for me. And I tried hard not to stress. And
guess what? Even though I was still a bit anxious, it all worked out.
![]() |
Little Man getting ready for his stage debut. One lady told me that he was her favorite part of the show. |
It
was kind of amazing how it all worked out. He was getting his first teeth and
he could have been really fussy the whole weekend. But it turned out that he
would nurse and take a little nap 30 minutes before each show, then wake up and
I was able to take him onstage with me during the first ¼ of the show (nothing
suspicious about a Nanny with a baby during the party scenes). Then I passed
him to grandma and got him back again even before intermission. He enjoyed watching
a good part of the show. There was only one time he became inconsolable, and that
was near the end of the third show. His sitters tried to give him some pumped
milk in a bottle and he wouldn’t take it, but I was able to rush right out
after bows and nurse him and he went right to sleep. It was probably his teeth
that were driving him crazy.
I
once heard a pastor say that 90% of the things we worry about don’t even
happen. So why are we wasting our time and energy doing it?
As
parents there are so many things we could worry about. Am I doing this right?
Is my child behind? How am I going to afford these groceries?
The
list goes on and on. And while we should carefully think through the decisions
we make, fretting about them doesn’t help. I even gave myself nightmares about
Nutcracker. I lost sleep over it, and if you have a young baby like I do, you
know how foolish it is to waste even an hour of sleep!
Life
is hard, and it is full of challenges, but don’t stress and worry over them,
mama. We are more than conquers. Have faith.

Lots
of love,
Lee
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