Not I!

A month ago, I did something that I have never done before.

I have been a parent for 11 years and 9 months (if you count the time that my oldest was in my womb, which I always do), and I have never done this.

Are you ready for it?

I bought a pacifier.

Yep, a pacifier. And it was a HARD thing to do.

Not because there were so many options, although there were. Not because they are so expensive, although they are. It was hard because I had never before given one of my babies a pacifier.

If you know me, you know I’m kind of a crunchy mama. I would never look down on anyone for giving their baby a binky, it was just my choice not to. I never wanted it to interfere with breastfeeding and keeping my milk supply up. And I don’t like the idea of my baby chewing on silicone or rubber a whole bunch. And I didn’t want to deal with having to wean them from it.

I was always their pacifier. I felt like it was my job. I had one baby who sucked two of her fingers and one who sucked his thumb, but they both broke the habit easily before it was a problem for their teeth.

But now I have Asher. And he is a terrible traveler.

When I bought the pacifier it was after it took us 8 hours to drive a distance that should have only taken us 3 1/2 hours. Yes, you read that right. And we needed to make the trip back the next day. He was almost four months old and still screaming most of the time he was in the car for more than 15 minutes. So I bought the pacifier, even though it felt so strange, and I really had to battle within myself to give it to him.

And he hated it. My daughter would hold it in his mouth and he would just scream around it once he realized it wasn’t his mama. Then we got it to work for a little while. Then he screamed some more. So I bought another brand on the way home, and he hated it, too.

But even though it didn’t work, I was kind of proud of myself. My story made me think of the story of the vision that the apostle Peter had in Acts, when the sheet of unclean animals was presented to him and God told him to eat and he was shocked that God would say such a thing because he had taken pride in the fact that he had never before eaten anything that he wasn’t supposed to. 

 I bet there are lots of "I would never..." things that you said before you became a parent that you have since contradicted. And that's ok. This mama life is tough. The picture you had of parenthood is probably quite different from reality. And each kid is so unique. We can't be so prideful that we refuse to try something, anything, to help our kid when they need it. We are all just doing our best, and sometimes that means jumping out of our comfort zone.

Love to you,

P.S. I would love to hear your pre-parenting "Not I!" statements. 


  1. So many "not I" 's for me ... I didn't want meds during labor, nor my baby to be in NICU, didn't want non-cotton clothing or convenience foods for her. Now I feel like I was such a snob! Thank you for sharing your journey.

    1. Ha! Snob is a good way of describing me before babies, too. One of mine was "My children will only have 20 toys and when they want a new one, they will have to give an old one away." I obviously wasn't taking Legos into consideration. Or Barbie shoes. haha!


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