Showing posts from January, 2020

The Battle Between Sacrifice and Self

How can you balance self care and motherhood? Should you give up things for your family? I've been wrestling with these questions a little lately. I always wanted a family! However, that was never all  I wanted. I always dreamed of being a mom growing up but but I had other dreams too.  I wanted to be a famous Christian singer, I wanted to be a wonderful author, I wanted to be a photographer, artist, or dancer. I wanted to be something glamorous and exciting! I want to live an amazing life... I've traveled places, tried new things, and lived overseas for a year as a missionary. I found out what I was truly passionate about: Kids. I loved kids more than anything! I realized out of all my dreams, I wanted a family most. God graciously and rather miraculously gave me my daughter, and then I fell in love with my husband (their dad) after that (I should really tell you that story some time). God had granted me a family I never expected and that is absolutely a dream co

The Hardest Part

I hurt. For those that don't know, I had surgery two days ago. I've been suffering from chronic pain for the past 6 1/2 years. This surgery has been a long time coming. And now that it is done, I am on the long road to recovery (I hope!). But, though the physical pain is rough (every time I stand up it feels like my muscles are on fire!), its not the hardest part. The black lines show where my two incisions are, they are each about 4 inches long. I had mesh placed on my left hernia and she snipped some nerves and removed scar tissue on the right. Before my surgery I had a lot of peace about the surgery, but I was worried about my baby. I've never been away from him that long, and it was rough on him. He napped some on daddy, but wouldn't take the bottle and spent a lot of the 5 hours we were apart crying. When they were in the cafeteria, he saw a lady with my hair color and my height and got all excited because he thought it was me. When he realized it wasn&#

She Gave it All, Even Her Life

I was a young child when my family (of six) got our first dog. I remember that day all so clearly! My dad took us four kids to a nearby town to pick up a puppy. A Heeler puppy from a farm with a yellow house. We drove up the long, dirt drive and went to the barn to see these cute speckled puppies. We picked a blue one and headed home to "surprise" my mom... Who was surprised because she hadn't been consulted first! We loved  having a dog! She was sweet, energetic, and smart. She grew into a medium-sized dog with blue spots and a dark snout. Her name was Blue Bella for Blue Beauty.  Photo Credit: When Blue Bella was grown we decided to breed her. We had her go to be bred and brought her home pregnant. We kids were SO excited! Puppies were coming! This was going to be amazing! Our sweet Blue Bella gave birth to puppies (I can't remember how many but I know it was a lot). They were so little and their puppy squeaks

The Day I Have Been Waiting For...

Today is my surgery day.  Of course, I am writing this ahead of time. Actually, a week ahead. I just finished my pre-op conversation with the surgical nurse. Lots of thoughts are bouncing around in my head. Lots of fears need to be captured and put in their place. Will my baby be alright being away from me during the surgery? Will he take a bottle? How long will I have to pump and dump? How worried are my other kids? Will this be hard for them? Will this operation work? Is it worth it, or will I still have chronic pain afterwards? How long will recovery take? How is everything that I do around here going to get done while I’m bedridden and healing? We mamas like to run things, it's what we do all day long. Kind of hard when we aren’t in control. But are we ever really in control, anyway? No.  Not really. Life is always ready to throw us a curveball. Yes, we do our best to be prepared, but we never know when something will happen that will completely

Simple Evening

I'm a Mama of three children, ages 1 to 11. I homeschool so that takes up a lot of my mornings. I also lead a Women's Bible/Prayer Group once a week. Plus I have a lot I do each day with just the normal mom stuff of laundry, dishes, and house cleaning; along with parenting, teaching, consoling, encouraging, and disciplining it's a busy life even if it's a simple one.  However, I think this is the first time in my entire life I've had NO regular evening activities. At the beginning of the year we signed up for a few that we just didn't end up sticking to and now we have none. Zip. Zilch. Zero. What do I have without evening commitments such as soccer practice, kids night at church, small groups, and the like? I have simple, peaceful evenings. We might finish up school, go for a walk, or play in the back yard. We might watch a movie or play a game or maybe just chill all doing whatever we want. It's simple. It's peaceful. There's no fuss or rush an

A Disappointing Day

I talked to you on Wednesday about our snow day "adventure" and that just being up in the snow and managing the children was a challenge in itself. We ended up walking along the road, like I mentioned, which was nice, but then we stopped in hopes of a sledding hill and the baby began to melt. He was crying and unwilling to be comforted. We tried everything and my husband finally announced that our short trip needed to be over.  He went off to get the truck and graciously took the baby with him so I could sled down the hill a few times before our time was up. I did sled down the hill and the brief exhilaration was wonderful and rejuvenated. I just needed a little fun to get my blood pumping. My hubby pulled up with the truck a short time later with the baby and I was hoping that all the baby had calmed down. My hubby popped out of the truck and said "Let's go! The baby has been screaming the whole time." I was disappointing. I thought we would be able

Always Learning

This is a busy week for us. I mentioned on Tuesday that it was my husband’s birthday. Well the day before that was a special day, too; it was my son’s birthday. Do you like to look back on baby pictures on your child’s birthday? I always do. I always think a lot about the birth and how my child has changed and grown over the years. It’s a bittersweet time. You are happy they are growing, but you kind of wish you could slow it down a bit. And looking back on those pictures makes you miss when they were smaller. This is one of my favorite pictures. We got my son a toy drill for his first birthday, and at the end of the day he crawled to my husband's office and put his drill next to daddy's drill.  My son wanted at American Revolutionary War birthday party. He came up with that idea almost a year ago. I thought that he would switch to something else because it is not your typical six-year-old’s birthday party theme, but he still wanted it. So his grammie and

A New Kind of Adventure

I've been craving an adventure lately. A good adventure with my family is something that makes me feel alive, young, and intensely grateful and joyful all at the same time. I've always loved adventure. I was raised with adventure. As kids, my siblings and I would go out into the woods during the cold and wet and see how long we could keep warm. We would spend hours hiking to the beach and then climbing rocks once we got there. My dad would take us on lots of adventures. We made fort, played Indians, and had a ton of fun. I LOVE adventures. My husband loves adventures. So, as a family, we have had a lot of good once. Mainly we hike, because that is the most adventurous and doable thing we've found to do with kids. We also go to the beach, climb rocks, and swim. We like to push ourselves, try new things, and see how far we can make it. I've been craving an adventure and we finally got SNOW near by. The kids were SO eager to go to the snow... I wasn't that eager.

Dads Matter

Today is my husband's birthday. I know this is a blog encouraging mothers, but I've been wanting to write something about dads and it seems like my husband's birthday would be an appropriate time. Dads. Are. So. Important. I feel like this isn't emphasized enough.  Maybe its because of the sad reality that many fathers abandon their children. Many mothers have to do it alone, or they have a husband who doesn't really take an active role in raising the child/children. My husband's father abandoned him when my husband was still in his mother's womb. The fact that his biological father didn't want to have anything to do with him left a gaping hole in his heart. Because dads are important. But you don't have to be a biological father to be a good father figure.  My husband had a stepfather when he was growing up. He had an example of how to be a  husband and father.  If you are doing it alone, mama, I want to encourage

Introducing the Newest Additon

I shared with you Friday about letting go of what I wanted to let my son have a giant stuffed teddy bear that brought him joy. (Read that blog HERE ) Right around the time of the "Bear Decision" I was going through another internal battle over letting my kids have something they want... A dog. Let, me start by saying, I didn't want a dog. I have three growing children, two cats, a fish. I homeschool, blog, lead a moms prayer group, and run a tight ship! (That last one is half in jest). I don't need a dog! I have a toddler! I don't need another thing to potty train, say "no" to a million times, and redirect another million times per day. I just don't need it... Then I got to thinking about my second daughter. Her Nana encouraged me that my daughter needed a cat. That that kind of companionship would be good for her. So, we got a cat (5 years ago now, I think). Her Nana had been so right! My daughter did need a cat! It wasn't just a ca

The BIG GIANT Teddy Bear

My son is nearly 1 and 1/2 and he adores dogs, cats, all animals, stuffed animals, people, games, and much more! He is full of life and learning and it's such a joy to watch! The other day we were at the Thrift Store and my son saw this HUGE white teddy bear leaning against a shelf. He ran over to it and melted into its arms, looking up at me with a happy grin. He just came a light for that bear. I thought about getting it. "Do we need it?" I asked my question that helps me not over spend. "No, we don't" I decided. We didn't need a giant white bear taking up space. We didn't need a huge teddy bear to be another toy that had to be picked up. We just didn't need it... We moved on from the bear but I still considered it, until someone else scooped it up and bought it. Decision made, I guess. No bear. The very next week we were back and ANOTHER giant bear was hanging around the Thrift Store. Again, my son ran to it and fell into its soft, s

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