Not What We Hoped...

When you are pregnant, people will often ask what gender of baby you are hoping for. You may answer that you would prefer one or the other, but the most common answer is..."I just want the baby to be healthy." Well, what happens when the baby is not?

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I mentioned a few weeks ago that we were pursuing a diagnosis for my son, who just turned 6 years old. My husband has been suspecting for quite a while that there was something different about our son. But every time he would suggest something, I would shut him down.

“Oh, he’s just being a boy.” “That’s just the way he is, there is nothing wrong with him.” “He reminds me a lot of my brother; he was like that as a kid. Weren't you like that?”

There was some truth to these answers, in part, but there was also truth to my husbands’ suspicions. There is something different about my son. It became very evident this past summer. You may remember that I wrote a blog about loving our children the way they are. I mentioned my son’s tics, which at the time we assumed were his reaction to the new addition to our family. That may have been part of it, but there was something more.

We are pretty certain that my son has OCD. No, that is not just a cleaning disorder. Long story short, he has thoughts that get stuck in his head (obsessions) and he reacts to these thoughts using behaviors that he believes will relieve these thoughts (compulsions). The tics are how he reacts to the overwhelming thoughts that he just doesn't know how to get out of his head. This is what we think is happening, anyway. He will be going to a research center to get an official diagnosis soon. 

Once I finally started researching, a lot of memories of my son started to click into this description of a child with OCD (there are thousands of different types of OCD). 

This has all been a tough journey, and extremely emotional. OCD doesn't ever go away, and knowing that my son will always struggle with it is the hardest part. Yes, catching it young will help. Yes, we are doing as much research as we can to equip him with the skills to handle it. But it will still always be with him. And no one wants to see their child struggle.

Don't get me wrong, I know there are a lot of other conditions out there that are much more debilitating than my son's OCD, and I'm so thankful that it's not worse. And its not technically life threatening. But it is still hard. I'm pretty sure I've went through the 5 stages of grief (a couple of times) over it. 

I know that God has a plan for my son's life. He is already such a blessing to us in so many ways. I just have to trust that good will come from this and ask for His guidance to help my son.

Do you have a child with special needs? I just want to encourage you, mama, that God knew what your child's struggles would be, and He chose you to be the one to help that child through. That is pretty special.

Lots of love,


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