I Felt Like a Hypocrite

My heart was broken a little today.

It was an unexpected encounter with a women that left me feeling sad, hypocritical, and humbled.

We went to the edge of a park today (the playground is closed but while social distancing people use the other areas) for our "Sunshine Time" in which we played, did school, and had lunch. 

Before we left the park we drove up to the park parking lot to empty our trash next to the outhouses before our dog drug it all over our van. I instantly noticed a women in a bright pink bikini near the potties... The very next thing I noticed was that she had VERY large, VERY obviously fake boobs...
Photo Credit: Jonathan Myers

I instantly was put off and felt uncomfortable all at the same time. She said "Hi" to my kids as they dumped our trash into the park's trash can. My kids acted awkward too...

As I looked on from my car, I made more observation about this women. She looked like she had a hard life and that she either currently struggled with addiction, poverty, or both. She had a very loose stomach and love handles that were a stark contrast to her surgically-altered chest. She had a tramp stamp and as I looked closer, she was wearing a very cheaply made mini skirt over what looked like a string thong bottoms to her bikini.

That is when I put it all together and felt bad for my initial judgments. Yes, clearly this women was struggling, but much more than that, she was just someone who wanted love and attention. She needed love and attention, just like we all do! 

Was she going about it in a way that came across kind of loud and risque, sure she was, but as I saw all the details of her appearance what began to come clear was the inner her..

I urged my daughter to say "hi" and respond as the lady talked to my younger daughter as well. Then I got out of my car and tried to create an opportunity to say "hi" myself, to show her the acknowledgement and care she clearly was looking for.

But she disappeared. 

I drove away, a tight lump in my chest. I should've said "hi". I should've showed her love instead of being judgmental. I should've asked how she was doing!

As I drove away, she saw me from a distance and waved. I eagerly waved back but the prompting in my spirit to do something more, to show her love somehow remained. I wanted to talk with her!

I turned the van around and went back and looked for her once I thought of something to say... She was gone.

I drove home feeling defeated and sad. As I thought about her again, I realized she was probably a mom. Her belly looked so much like my postpartum stomach and I felt an even deeper sadness.

I'm human. I'm faulty. I did do my best but how I wish I was more like Jesus in that moment. If it had been Jesus instead of me, He would've seen right past her outwardly appearance and straight to her need for love. Jesus would've gone to her and shook her hand, given her a hug, and spoke truth that revives a soul. He would've shown her the kind of love that changes lives and melts the heart... I wish I'd been more Jesus to that women. I wish I would've been full of love to give instead of my harsh judgements.

Love changes everything.
Let's be love to each other. Let's be love to the hurting, the broken, the scared, and lonely right now. Let's look for the opportunity to touch someone who is in need right now. Whether a neighbor, family member, or maybe a meal to someone on the streets. Let's be a little more Love in this world.



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