I Didn't Know I was Hurting Her!

My eldest two children are 18 months apart in age. This has many pros, as well as cons. One of the cons, my daughters go through stages back-to-back.

My eldest has been in high-hormones, mood swings, body changes for awhile now, and now my second daughter is RIGHT behind her...

My second daughter has reached what I unflatteringly call "The Brain Dead Stage". It's the stage where the hormones and changes are really kicking into high gear and my children, who are incredible kids, tend to do a lot of... Well, dumb things. It's really tough on me... but more tough on them!

My second daughter has always been an incredibly bright child. I've often treated her older than her age because so often she acts older and more mature. Going through this phase has been incredibly frustrating to me.

My normally brilliant child can't remember direction or directly does the opposite of every direction I give. She no longer seems to be able to figure out normal, simple tasks that aren't hard at all... I've been frustrated A LOT about this!!

I didn't know that what I was doing, how I was responding to my daughter was really hurting her feelings, lowing her confidence and self esteem. I feel ashamed saying that, but it's true. 

All the frustration in me finally reached a head with one last final (big) straw!

"What is WRONG with you?!?!" I yelled at her. "Is there a screw loose somewhere?? What where you thinking?!"
Photo Credit: www.blockedtobrilliant.com

And my daughter melted and told me what was on her mind... She felt like I didn't admire her, that I didn't think highly of her, and that I thought she wasn't smart...

*knife to the heart*

I am a completely imperfect parent. I try my best, I work hard, but I'm not perfect. In that moment, as my heart sunk, that imperfection was certainly brought to the forefront. 

In my frustration, I was conveying to my daughter that I didn't think she was smart, capable, or in a way, worthy. I was tearing my own daughter down by my ill-directed frustration.

We had a long talk. I told her I was sorry that I was letting my frustration come out in a bad way. I told her I would work on not being so negative. I asked that she would try to be understanding of me as well and give grace.

We gave each other lots of long hugs and off she went to bed.

Mama, I fail sometimes to show my kids love in the way they need. Lots of times probably. I'm an imperfect parent and I don't have this all figured out. I struggle, it's hard, but I'm always going to keep trying for my kids... Sometimes it's the lessons in how we tackle a problem together that really counts.

Much love,

You may also like:
An Angry Parent
How Do You Deal with a Angry Child?


Recent Posts

Recent Posts Widget