The Ex-Pastor Story

I've been struggling lately... With the church and what exactly is "the church"?
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We moved church about a year ago (please reread about that HERE). Our previous church was larger with more to offer but despite all our efforts we didn't build true community.

We chose something smaller, looking for that close-knit community, where we could love on others and do life together. It's been nearly a year and though it's way easier to meet people and know who everyone is in a small church, the same struggles seem to apply.

Then, I listened to a Ex-Pastor's Story and things began to click (Watch that HERE). I began understanding more about the church and the difference between going to church and personal relationship with Jesus. I even wondered if going to church on Sunday's was the best way to love and follow Jesus...

I went to church this Sunday. I was exhausted. I didn't want to go and honestly, I only went because my ten-year-old daughter was singing on stage with the worship team for the very first time. I grabbed a large cup of coffee and hurriedly made it to church just in the nick of time.

I sat down and the worship team began to play. The songs, the music, and my beautiful daughter singing along. I closed my eyes and felt joy, peace, and love. I felt Jesus. I felt grateful. I felt the church, not the building, the organization, but the people, who are the real church, singing praises together. Worshiping, rejoicing in the goodness of God, together, and it was wonderful!

I sat down as the music ended and pulled out my journal... and didn't really listen to anything the pastor was saying, I was writing. I was writing what I was struggling with about church and what the answer I had just realized.

Church is an organization. It has a function, a purpose, and like any organization people's personal needs often get overlooked for the overall function. That hurts people! I don't agree with it. I don't like that relationship can get sacrificed in church for the function, the accomplishments.

Then I thought about me as a mom...

How often do I sacrifice relational moments or being present to get something done? How many times do I say "Take your brother, I'm just trying to get something done!" to my daughters... How many times have I put the function, the list, the goals above the relationship?
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I try. I know the goal is my children. I get that relationship is top priority, but here's the thing, I CAN NOT balance the two perfectly. I can try but I'll never get it just right. There's times I put aside the work and be there in the moment and there's times I'll put he job first, and you know what, both are needed. 

So, as I pondered how to be the church and was it important to go to church, my answer was "yes". I get to see other people who love Jesus like I do. I can encourage and love them. It's like a meeting at a company in a way, we're trying to be on the same page even though we all are different and have different ideas, and that's okay, that's part of the beauty of it.

But because of motherhood, I want to be gracious in realizing no church, no person, no organization, no mother can find the perfect balance between relationship and function, both are needed.

Much love,


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