Showing posts from September, 2020

They Used To Dance

When my girls were little, we would DANCE!

I am a dancer, though self taught, and have always enjoyed and been "good at" dancing. It brings me so much pleasure and joy to move to music and it's a great expression for emotions as well. So, I was well versed in dancing anywhere by the time my cute little girls came along. When they were little they had no shame and would dance with me everywhere. We'd dance at the end credit music in the movie theatre (up front), we'd dance in the store, we'd dance anywhere and everywhere that the mood struck.
Then they got older and stopped dancing with me as much. They certainly wouldn't dance in front of a movie theatre with me anymore! They will still bob their heads with me to store music (yay!) and they even stopped dancing much at home with me...I missed it.I loved dancing with my girls and though they sometimes humor me still, they weren't really into it much anymore.Tonight, we watched the live action Aladdin mov…

Material Girl

Have you ever struggled with postpartum weight loss? My baby is 14 months old and I have not lost hardly any weight since he was born. Actually, the day after he was born I was almost down to my pre-pregnancy weight, and then over the months I gained a few pounds. Whether I eat healthy or not, whether I exercise or not, I am always fluctuating somewhere around the same weight. It's frustrating because I have so much that I need to lose to get to a healthy weight! And I want to be there, like, right now!
I've recently done some research on the hormone prolactin and how it can really mess with your weight while breastfeeding. Upon reading, I realized that the weight problem wasn't the only symptom I had that showed that I probably have a lot of prolactin going through my system right now. Thinking back, I can remember having more trouble losing weight during some of my other breastfeeding journeys, but there were some symptoms that I had this time that I had never had before.…

No Wasted Time

I got some wonderful new yesterday. A friend of mine was pregnant after experiencing several losses. She already has four children at home and I was overjoyed to hear she was blessed with another.After sharing with her how we were still waiting for our next baby, trying to get pregnant several times over the last year she encouraged me that "God's timing is perfect". She explained all the challenge she would have faced if she had not had her losses and had a newborn at the time she had hoped for.This reminding me of the three years we waited for our son. The devastation, the constant and compounding grief with every month and failed attempt, the isolation and depression I felt throughout, BUT, it wasn't wasted time.
God doesn't waste time.God doesn't cause the heartbreaks or hurts, but He also doesn't waste any of our dreams, hopes, or the waiting times in life. We waited for our son, prayed, and hoped and ached for him for three years!In that time, we alr…

Looking Ahead

As I write this we have THREE WEEKS till we move! Now, we're not moving cross country like we originally thought, so it's definitely not as difficult as it could've been, but at the same time it's not easy.I'm finding myself feeling overwhelmed A LOT! I know it's time to buckle down and get stuff done but at the same time I have to wait till closer to the moving date to pack any more (I've already completed the outbuildings). Things still feel pretty up in the air but I'm definitely getting excited now.This is really happening. We are actually moving! We are moving into town from our 15 minutes away suburb. When I drive to and from home I now think about how quickly I'll be home when we move. We went hiking this weekend and I thought "We'll be twenty minutes closer to the trail head after we move." But more than the drive I'm thinking and planning and anticipating all the ways I'm going to make our new house a home. The colors …

We NEED Each Other

Hey mamas!I'm writing this to you as I'm making the last preparations before heading to camp this afternoon (and I'm not freaking out and stressed by the way, so go me!).I just want to check in and see how you are doing. So how are you?2020 has been a crazy year so far. Some of you have been challenged by new things: being laid off or working from home, distance learning for your kids, having to wear a mask when you go anywhere, just to name a few. 2020 has felt like a very isolating year for many. 
But I want to really encourage you to not let yourself be isolated, mama. We NEED each other. We have a natural incline towards community. Even those who are introverts need to have a friend or two that they can really depend on to encourage and lift them up.  I'm going camping this weekend with several of my friends and all our kids. It's going to be a big, crazy, blast. If you aren't comfortable with that big of a group, text another mom and ask here if she wants to…

Heroes DO!

During these crazy fires that were (and are) happening, I jumped on Facebook, which I usually only use for this blog. As I frequently checked it for news, I saw a lady I knew through homeschooling. She had up to date posts having to do with the fires that all revolved around helping the community, the evacuees,, and getting food to displaced people.It was incredibly admirable. She's strong, tough, compassionate, a mom of four, and a DOER. She was actively doing through the entire time I was holding up in my home. She and her family were actively helping others.Yesterday, her and her husband's story hit Facebook news. She and her husband went into the fire areas and ended up creating fire barriers, organizing volunteers, and saving multiple houses!Just think about that for a moment.As far as I know, no one asked them to help. No one said "Hey, no fire firers are in this areas. Are you available to help?" No one gave them the tools to fight this, they just did it!

I adm…

Silver Linings

It's been five days of holding up in our home away from the smoke. Headaches and feeling sick were symptoms my family felt from hazardous levels of smoke in the air from the Oregon fires.
After the sky turned dark on Tuesday (Sept 8th) and we tried to get away from it to no avail, we had to remain home. Basically, sheltering in place, towels over our AC units, every window shut tight, and the kids with clear instructions NOT to open them even a crack.
It was awful and dark and I went back into a survival mode that felt all too familiar after March's quarantine. I felt depressed, not just by being trapped at home, but my seasonal depression immediately kicked in as the skies were dark all day long and I barely could wake myself up in the morning because it never really got light.
It was horrible, miserable, and we watched A LOT of TV!

Then, there were moments that only happened because there literally was NOTHING to do, no places to go, and we were stuck. One of these moments was m…

Out of Control

The further we drove south, the thicker the smoke was. As I was shopping, I found that a lot of other people were feeling the same way as I was. The stores were packed. And all the gas stations had lines that stretched out to the street. I'm sure that a lot of the people were evacuees from the valley. I tried not to be too greedy with my shopping. I bought enough to stock my pantry and freezer with the food we would need for the next two weeks. We drove back home with eyes burning and headaches. 
I knew my family was safe. I knew my pantry and freezer were stocked. But I was still worrying. I was thinking of all the people in trouble because of the fires. I was thinking of all those that would lose their homes and businesses. I was thinking of those who were having trouble breathing because of the smoke.  I was thinking of all the first responders that were putting their lives on the line. I was thinking of the people who had started these fires and worrying that more would be star…

Running from FIRE!

I live in Oregon, as most of you, my dear readers, do. We have FIRES surrounding our area right now and have for the past two days.Tuesday afternoon is when everything changed.2 pm in the afternoon, it was Rest Time at our house. I sat down to do my own thing while the kids were elsewhere when a sudden shadow covered the sun so visibly that I stood up and looked out the window to see what had happened. Instead of blue sky, or even a smokey haze, a blanket of orange smoke covered the sky and swiftly blocked out the sun.
Instantly my Mama protection mode went on High Alert. I went outside to check and make sure the kids playing in the backyard were safe from smoke. I couldn't smell any so I figured they would be okay for a little bit. I went back inside and tried to relax. I tried to calm that primal part of me that said "GET YOUR KIDS OUT OF HERE TO SAFETY!"An hour went by and that's when, not only was the sky dark with smoke and the light gone, but the smoke smell cam…

Thrives in the Shade

I have this flower bush in my yard that has been through a lot. It's been cut off and regrown, run over by kids and quads, and it looks like it's about to die on a regular basis... Every sunny day in fact.

I've been amazed and even slightly annoyed by this flower bush in the years that we've lived here. It comes out in brilliant fuchsia blossoms that are radiant in the morning, the green leaves extending out, and then by mid day the flowers close and the plant wilts...

What the heck?!

This plant not only wilts in the sun (I have always just assumed it was a shade plant, which is clearly is) but all the flowers recoil back in on themselves and close! So when you go outside to enjoy the sun they are hiding from it!

I just recently was told the name of this plant, The 4 o'clock Flower, because supposedly it comes out when the sun it starting to go down. I thought that was brilliant and it finally made sense to me. This plant has been such an anomaly, an oddity, and I didn…

A Little Help

Remember the camping prep I talked about last week? Well, in spite of my mini (ok, maybe "mega") mommy meltdown, I made it to that camping trip and we had a ton of fun. Our campsite consisted of 3 mamas and 10 kids (the amount of children doubled when I showed up with my crew, haha) and we camped for three nights and three days. The only downside was the mosquitoes and lack of sleep, but that's all a part of camping, right?
Though we had a lot of fun, the very best part of the camping trip for me was packing up. 
It wasn't the best part because we were leaving (though my body was crying out for its own bed, haha). It was the best because I was actually able to pack up. The kids and I were able to do it all ourselves!
Let me explain. For the past seven years of my life I have struggled with chronic pain (you can read about that here, here, here, and here). In fact, the last time we went camping with friends I was crying during the packing up session because it hurt too m…

20s vs 30s

I sat outside yesterday night with my husband after the kids had all been put to bed. We looked at our house, that will soon be someone else's house, and thought about all the moments and memories we've had here.

As we looked on I thought about how busy and full life with a family has been. How in my early 20s, before motherhood, I had SO much time to do whatever I wanted. So much time at my disposal and even my busy times in life never even came close to the amount I accomplish and do as a mother.

I thought back to before kids and family and who I was back then while I reminisced about who I have become in this place. This home that has been our sanctuary and our growing place these past 6 years!

Life is so much harder now.
Life is so much busier now.
Life is so much more complex now.

Life was fairly simple before kids.
Life was more about me before kids.
Life had a lot more possibilities and openness.

But the reality of those pre-motherhood early 20s: In every bit of purposefulness I…


My son just turned two and he's a typical toddler.

He's goofy, opinionated, throws fits, loves food, and can't get enough of the park. He's also such a toddler in the fact that he never wants to leave my side!

He follows me to the bathroom

(and yes, I took a picture of it)

He wants to help make my coffee in the morning and gets coffee grounds everywhere and he misses me while I'm in the shower. He also has a lively game he plays with his sisters where he tries to run across the house, dash into my room, and slam the door before they can keep him out. He'll come up to me with a grin and a "hi!" because he made it to mom despite me taking some time to myself.

And dinner time is no picnic either. Usually, he's already full from snacking because he got hungry before dinner made it to the table and then all he wants to do is play with his food, serve others more food, or do this:

Sit on my lap and play with my food so it's nearly impossible for me to eat…

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