The Beast Unleashed
Mom anger. I hate it. But I can't ignore that it's a thing.
Last night I battled with my son for ONE AND A HALF HOURS to get him to bed. Most of that time, he was screaming at me. Most of the time, I wanted to scream at him. I didn't, but I can't honestly say that all of my words were gentle, or saintly. And most of my actions were foolish.
It's easy to see that now, of course. It's always easy to see what I should have done differently in retrospect. But when I am caught up in the emotion of the moment...that's a different story.
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It's really frustrating to me that I am not better at dealing with the mom anger. I've been a mom for over twelve years, you would think that I would have made more progress!
But I have to give myself grace. Confess that I was wrong, of course, and ask forgiveness. But also forgive myself and learn from it and move on.
I know what the triggers for last night were. For one, it was potty training weekend. I follow the 3 Day Potty Training method. And it works really well! My 20-month-old has woken up dry the past two nights and only had three accidents yesterday, the third day of the training. But ALL you do for three days is potty train, and I find it a very exhausting weekend. Also, I just happened to get a painful case of pink eye this time around so it was especially challenging. And, on top of that, my poor husband hurt himself and ended up in the ER halfway through! So that was another stressor and took out my biggest help with the big kids. He's thankfully ok, but has a leg injury and has to stay off his feet as much as possible the next week. The kid's didn't enjoy the fact that they had to prepare most the meals and do most of the chores yesterday. That is another underlying guilt that I was feeling. It's tough to have to put all your focus on one child for a time, but that is really how life is sometimes.
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I had only taken the time to throw up little prayers now and then this weekend. I had not taken the time to do any Bible reading, listen to any sermons, worship, or spend real quiet time with Jesus.