Monday was a rough day. It was a stay-in-bed-and-cry-pretty-much-the-whole-day day. My pain was up, my frustration was up, and I think my hormones must have been very wonky. It was a "Why Me?" day. When I wonder why God gave me the life I have and why I can't live it the way I know I am supposed to. Well, it was a day when I was focusing on the hard parts of my life and wondering why I have to deal with them. No wonder it was a bad day...
|a quote from The Princess Bride, one of my favorite movies|
As I threw my "Why me?" questions at God, I was reminded of another woman that must have asked "Why me?". She was visited by an angel in Luke 1 and told that she was going to be the mother of the Messiah who would save her people. Out of all the young women in Nazareth that lived at that time, she was the one who was chosen. She had to have asked "Why me?". When the angel told her it was going to happen, when she was rejected by her betrothed because of an unexplained pregnancy, when she was asked to travel many miles while 9 months pregnant, when shepherds and kings came and worshipped her baby, when prophets and prophetesses spoke blessings over him, when she saw him hanging on the cross and dying an unjust death, and a million times in between. She was human like us, I just know she had to wonder. But her answer through it all seemed to be the same as her first answer, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.”
Mary's answer is so humbling to me. She is such a good example by being willing to walk out the story that God had written for her.
Life is so hard sometimes. I find it easy to wonder why the bad things and the challenges happen.
And life is so good sometimes. I wonder why God blesses me so much when I have done so little to deserve it.
|image from bethanyunitedchurch.ca|
Another "Why me?" story from the Bible is the story of Jochebed. She was the mother of Moses. If I were in her shoes I would have wondered why I was allowed to live in a time when the Pharaoh was ordering all my people to kill their babies. I would have been a nervous wreck as I hid my baby from the authorities. And then making up the plan to send my baby adrift on the waters....Why me? Would he survive? Why was God allowing this to happen anyway???
|image from christianeditingservices.blog|
And then the moment when that baby was placed back into my arms. The jubilation as I looked down at his little face and put him back to nurse at my breast. But I also can't help but think of the guilt she must have felt as she knew that all her friends and neighbors and family members who had babies around the same time now had empty arms. They were suffering broken hearts and she had a few precious years to look forward to spending with her baby. Their babies had no future, hers was going to be a prince. It's really intense when you think about it.
It's not fair that I have to deal with chronic pain at such a young age. But it's also not fair that I get to be married to a wonderful husband and have five beautiful children (and another on the way!).
Everyone's life has blessings and challenges. We must remember to rejoice in the fact that God is right there with us during the whole thing. He will never leave us or forsake us!
Much love to you, mamas!