In the Silence

In the silence...

Now, that's a rarity with kids. 

I'm been driving a short way off to do my Bible and prayer time lately. My eldest is 13 and my youngest is getting close to 3 and everyone can survive just fine without me for a little bit, and I can have a quiet moment.

Then I sit, overlooking some grass and the street beyond. I sip on my coffee and talk to God, or just sit with Him. In the silence lies all the things I don't have time for in the noise. In the silence my heart gets time to be heard. In the silence I sit and tell God the real thoughts that I usually don't want to think about, but need to.

In the silence comes the pain that I've been running away from.

I've shared a few things recently about getting my daughter tested and getting some confirmation about the differences in her school and communication skills that I've seen... But since then I've been wholeheartedly pouring my energy into "fixing", into trying to make things better, and putting a weight on my shoulders that is not only pointless but impossible to hold up.

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So, in the silence, I'm learning to let go of the pressure I've put on myself. I'm releasing the sadness about changed dreams and different ideas of the future. I cry some times. Sometimes I just say "God, my heart hurts". 

It's been a time of grief and processing. I've been trying to "be gracious within myself" is how I've been putting it. Releasing, letting go, and giving myself grace to just be sad when I need to be and okay when I am.

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Mamas, we face life-altering challenges and face big changes all the while mothering and parenting and doing all the things. It's okay to step back, to get away, to let go of the extras, and be gracious with yourself through the ups and downs life brings your way.

Much love,


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