Something Is Missing

 Hey mamas, I’m still here. Sorry I have been a little M.I.A. lately. As I’ve said, I’ve been going through a rough patch. Postnatal hormones and some other things have really been hitting me hard. 

I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be crying at the drop of a hat and feeling overwhelmed and lonely all the time, but it is something I am walking through. I’ve been trying to figure it all out and praying for guidance. I’ve been trying to worship and read my Bible every day. I’ve been trying to think the right thoughts. It’s all been such a deep, soul wrenching struggle. 

It’s winter steelhead season here in the PNW and fishing on the river is one of my happy places so I’ve taken the kids out a few times this week. I love being out on the beautiful gravel bar with all the fresh air and the kids running around and playing, wild and free like my brother and I did when I was a child. We only got two days of schoolwork done this week but I really felt like that was all I could handle.

But even being out on the river, I was still feeling sad and overwhelmed. At one point it was raining so all the kids were snuggled up in the rig and watching a movie while I ran the gear. The other fishermen were parked a ways away so no one heard me as I cried out, my tears mingled with the rain on my face, “God, I’ve been doing everything I can to make it through this but I just can’t do it. So I need you to give me Your joy.”

I want to be a joyful personal. Maybe most people think that I am. But there is only so much joy you can get from your children, spouse, friendships, circumstances, nature, and positive attitude. Those joys are real, but they aren’t true and pure JOY…I believe that can only come from the Lord.

God’s joy gives us hope and peace (Romans 15:13). It gives us strength (Nehemiah 8:10). And God wants you to have it (John 15:10)! Trials come and go and we are challenged to be joyful about them because they refine and grow us (James 1:2-3). When we spend time with God we will get to feel joy fully (Psalm 16:11). 

So, mama, if you are feeling overwhelmed and sad lately (like I have), or are struggling with anything, I want to encourage you to cry out to God for His joy. He will answer. It may not change our circumstances but it will give us the strength we need to get through them. 

Much love, mamas!


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