No Hiding It
Hey, Mamas. I'm about to get really real with you: I have been battling depression. That's why I have been so distant.
I'm not intentionally being distant and I don't want to stop writing the blog...I just can't get the words out right now. Or at least haven't been able to. Maybe I will start to feel inspired again soon, I don't know. I really don't know much about anything, except what has always been true will always be true: God is good and He loves us so much.
It's really strange to feel so numb and down, and yet have hope and faith that everything really is going to work out alright in the end. But I do believe it. I'm not even claiming to be depressed, I'm just openly admitting that I am fighting it. And fighting it as hard as I can.
Depression is no stranger to mothers, I know. Probably you have dealt with it a time or two yourself, postpartum or otherwise. Personally, I have battled it off and on since the age of 9. It may be a hormonal imbalance, I'm not sure. It doesn't rear it's ugly head as often as it used to. I may get lectures about seeking professional help after publishing this blog, but I don't think I am there yet. Right now I just need a lot of love and support from my friends and family. And as much time alone with Jesus as possible! I have been worse off than this before and made it through, I know I will again. It just may take some time.
I would really appreciate your prayers. The deaths of my friend and, more recently, my pastor, have surely contributed to it. My baby is also eating more solid food now, so breastfeeding hormones have probably fluxed with that change. He's also getting close to a year old and it's sad to think of him growing out of babyhood and into toddlerhood. One of the biggest things is that my dad is really, really sick and possibly approaching the end of his life. That's a lot of change, a lot of stuff that needs to be sorted and worked through. I know that I am making progress with it but I also know that it takes time and hard work to come to a place of emotional wellness.
So right now I am reminding myself of and holding on to all the good and beautiful promises. Like Isaiah 41:10
God loves you so much, Mama. Whatever you are going through, He has you in His tender care. Know that, please know that. And if you need help, please don't forget that He has put people in your life for that purpose. We weren't meant to fight our battles alone.
God bless you, Mamas!